hunger...

Ok so why does it seem when you know what you want in life you can't attain it? And I'm definitely not talking materialistic. Material wealth comes and goes and brings temporary happiness, it does help in maintaing your needs to survive in this brutal world. But yet I hunger for something, something that I have had a taste of before. And that hunger is for the love of a special woman. A woman that can make you feel like your not afraid of anything, a woman that can replenish your soul, a woman that pushes you to be the man you were always destined for. And a woman that can help you overcome those fears that haven't let you give that love back. I desire to find that woman... but it seems that life isn't ready to give her to me. So I have to keep pushing myself to move forward as hard as life pushes me down I have to learn to be able to be strong enough to endure what life pushes on me, so that when I do meet the woman of my dreams, she can see that I will be the man that she can lean on, and know that I'll always be there!

Ok so sorry the sappiness, but it is what I have rummaging through my mind!

Nasty November

Ok so its been a minute since I last posted something... I think my mind body and soul have been at war with each other. I have started to gain some peace. The fog of despair has started to lift and now I can now see my path. Its been a painful time for me, trying to figure out who I am, especially in dealing with some fierce hardships that have befallen me.
I have been a dormant shell of a man for a long time. People say that with death comes life, and now can I see. I have put to rest a part of me that has haunted me, that hasn't let me move on with my life. A part of me that was fearful, and full of doubt. The recent trails and tribulations of life have forced me to face my fears, face my doubts and move forward or perish in the bleak existence of this blind conformity.

bleak is a just a word to describe what i feel

in the mist of the rain i find that i am drowning in the tears of my own pain...pain that could have been avoided, pain that could have been joy... pain that could have past... but yet the pain lingers, yet the pain creates a flood that sweeps my soul away... away i hope to a better place... because my soul cannot tread water any more and I feel that my soul will drown in the rivers of despair as i take my last breath and sink to the bottom of my etarnal resting place.

Original Posting Monday March 28 2005

final destination

today i find that i see beyond the reach of my sight... you ask how, because my soul has found the path, the path to enlightenment, the path to knowledge, the path to eternal bliss, but the road is only big enough for one, but alas i cannot leave yet, i find that there are those that rely on me, need me. To endure the pain, is to show my love, to sacrifice my happiness is to display my affection, to see there smiles fills my heart with more love and bliss than the path... so was the path an illusion? was the destination a false pretense to what i would eventually find?

Original Posting Thursday July 21 2005

vday?

I live in a diluted land of make believe and fantasy land where I think my ideas of what I want in a relationship is viable, but alas I find that the truth is that if I keep reaching for the stars and all I will find is disappointment, where in truth all I had to do is look down at the reflection in the water and that is where I could touch the stars. I seem to think that the mystery of that ideal woman is more the attraction because the ideal woman is not out in a far away place, its right here, right in front of me, but my fears and my doubts and my heart won’t let it be. I long to be sought after, to return the feeling of the other, but my soul is clouded with confusion, because with love comes pain, but with seclusion comes loneliness, but no pain. I guess the question is… is it better to have loved and have gotten hurt or to never have loved at all?

Original Posting Thursday Feb. 9th 2006

Saturday morning

Ok so its Saturday morning... a bit hungover, but got lots to do, i have freelance to work on and school work... so pretty much a fun saturday morning! but its seeems nice out so maybe go mountain biking...

well hit me up anytime to talk about stuff, hopefully it will be something good!